I am here at work right now taking my lunch break, im sorting out my mailbox right now and trying to figure out whether I will eat or not..I am reading again the email my sister sent me two days ago, but I remain speechless this time for all the things she told me, or maybe I dont know how to say it to her or maybe i'll just put those things in silence.

I got an email yesterday from Anthony as well, and I am speechless about it either. I am still in pain I guess. I just feel like he is just playing with my feelings coz he knows I am easily swept with his sorry, I mean I admit for being one so I prefer this time to just not to reply and wait what effort he will take to try to talk to me. I find it really weird, he is not just one of those boyfriends I can get rid off wayback, he happens to be my husband who I have vowed to be with for the rest of my life, but ofcourse I do hope he sees it that way. Although, I know if I may have tackle these things to him, he will just be full of words and zero with action and he has his point, I understand he is right there in Roseburg but that shouldnt be the reason why he cant extend his love and cares for me right here, I mean theirs so many ways if you love the person ofcourse but obviously it will be filled with excuses if hes just playing safe. Oh well life.. it sucks sometimes but still life goes on..

I dont know if hes back to his old thing again, being wishy washy that is, he seems to be like a game of the flower petals -- "i love her, i love her not", and poor me im the one being played on. But on the brighter shade of pale, I know that God loves me and that's the greatest unconditional love of all. I know God has good plans for me despite of what I am going through. and I thank Him for giving me patience for my everyday errand.

Although I gotta be honest to myself, I love that guy just as how God taugt me how to love, but then again I'm only human who needs to feel the love back. I am only human that sometimes feel the term called "giving up", but the good part there is that I am a daughter of God who perseveres and wait.

I have a talk with couple of my work mates here, about the complains and urge of looking for a different job, due to inconsistence and crap system of how this company works. Like the shifts, leaves and some other stuff. Well I suppose their is no perfect company, so I am not really that affected about it.

Well this would be it for now, my lunch break is almost done so i gotta post this before i run out of time.

Again youve witnessed the sorrows I have hopefully id be able to reach that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow..